I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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