Where is the hickey?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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