This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i think i have two assholes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
