the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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