Old men and throwing up are my life now.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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