He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize