im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
