Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
