i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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