I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
