just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
