She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
