PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just had sex bonerless
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
