Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
