All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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