Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
