i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
