Just fell off a train. Bad.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
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