I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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