I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
