So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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