I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize