where am i from again
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
