Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
