she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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