Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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