I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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