she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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