laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
