sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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