North Korea, Best Korea!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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