Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
COCAINE IS GR8
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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