rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
