Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize