Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
