are you still at the devil's house?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Enjoy the penises
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
