We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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