Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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