Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
