If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He passed out mid-signature
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
