I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
