My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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