i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
