HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
