I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize