did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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