barbara walters just said penis...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
