I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
