i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
