good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
