i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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