I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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