Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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