I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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