Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
