I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
foreskin is a definite game changer
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
