he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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