So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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