i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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