Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
