why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's shark week go big or go home
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I had to cum in my sink.
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