allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize