so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
