we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
