This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
