Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just found puke in my bra..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
