Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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