yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
