I'm drive I can fine osifer
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
