that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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