Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
