I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
