im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
