do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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