i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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