if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
