apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
