Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
