I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize