if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
