Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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