this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
