i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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