Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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