Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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