cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
